They Just Don't Understand
Well, I've done it. I have Instagram now.... So go ahead and give me a follow at thesimplyobsessiveblog on Instagram, I believe there should be a little Instagram button at the top of the page somewhere? Ugh.... so stressful! But please share my account with your friends and family. The more people I reach, the more I will write. I need instant gratification like that because I am a millennial... and we do not understand that good things come to those who wait. SO help a girl out and get me some views. HA! I'm so hopeless when it comes this social media crap. I thought about Twitter, but when I looked at it, I panicked and immediately dropped my phone. Now I feel old AF.
Speaking of people who can't handle technology, my dad and I are quite similar in that way. He is an "old soul".... ya, let's call it that. I remember him telling me that these "computer things" are going to be a passing fad and we didn't need to get one.
-Missed the mark on that one dad-
Ohhhh.... if only he had of known.
For the record, I have the best dad in the world. He looks after me, and I am definitely a daddy's girl. I remember that the winter after Scott and I had moved into our first home was a nightmare. Snow storms every week. And being a nurse, weather was no reason not to show up for your shift. So I'd bundle up, get in my little honda civic and take off on my 40min drive to the hospital... slipping and sliding my way through the blinding snow.
One of these miserable mornings at 0600, my phone rang as I was getting ready for work. Dad. He asked me if I needed him to take me to work because it was going to be a particularly crappy day out. I told him no, that if the weather is bad he shouldn't be out in it either, and I would be just fine. The other end of the phone went silent.
I thought, there is noo way. He wouldn't be.... would he?
"Dad, where are you?"
"Ummm.... in your driveway. I brought coffee!"
And he took me to work. That's how awesome my dad is.
He also let's me go shopping in my parents' house. And I don't mean raiding the pantry or grabbing some laundry detergent if I didn't make it to the store that day. Furniture, clothing... you name it. I just have to be able to sneak it out past mom without being detected. My office chair was hard, but with some quick thinking and distraction, I was able to get it out of the house without her seeing :-)
So as you can imagine.... it is very upsetting to me that my dad and I have been banned from shopping together. Apparently if you let one trip to Costco get a little out of hand, you get banned from having any fun at all. And really.... with the volume we bought we were saving money! Scott and my mother just don't understand the math and our collective genius.
Let me explain.
Somehow, dad and I were elected to make the trip to Costco for garbage bags and toilet paper. I can’t quite remember how it happened, but I do know that as soon as it was announced our eyes locked from across the room. Oh ya…. it was on!
First things first, we grabbed the pack of bungee cords from the garage before we headed out. You never know what might be on sale, and a skilled shopper must always be prepared for unexpected purchases that require you to creatively pack the car. Then our first stop was, of course, the drivethru for coffee and donuts. Shopping should be an experience, not a chore. One must indulge in order to make the most of it.
Inevitably the Costco parking lot was jam packed, but dad scoped out a spot close to the entrance. Just as we were about to turn in, some ass in a tiny little car cut us off and took our space. I distinctly remembered the conversation that followed as we searched for a new spot.
Dad: Diiiiiirty whooer!
Me: What the hell is a whooer? Do you mean whore?
Dad: That’s what I said, WHOOER.
Me: That is not even remotely similar. You have to be hearing the difference. HUH-ORR.
Me: Oh my gosh this is hopeless.
Once we were in, it was game on. We noticed the travel mugs first and were immediately drawn to them. We decided on three packs of two. Because if we had of had them earlier that day, our coffees wouldn’t have been getting cold at that moment. “One or two for each car,” we reasoned.
The key to effective shopping, dad and I have found, is to never skip an aisle. If you do, you run the risk of missing great deals on things you didn’t even know you needed. And that’s just poor money management. When we got to the laundry detergent, dad assessed that they were practically giving it away. We had grabbed four over-sized bottles of fabric softener when I asked if mom even used Fleecy. “She does now!”. Good point.
It was a great day. 4kg of brownie mix, check. Three boxes of frozen mozzarella sticks, check. New underwear for the whole family, check. A tub of 120 gel pens, check. A skid of mango juice? Check!
Looking back, could we have survived without some of our impulse buys? Sure. But we showed restraint! We broke out the calculator in the breakfast aisle.... and the real savings on peanut butter started at about 32 half gallon jars. We were half way through loading the cart, and dad was going to need to whip out his jackknife to open the next palate, when we took pause and evaluated. If we bought that many jars, we would need a cabinet to store them in the garage to avoid any hassles with the fuzz (mom/Scott).... and those weren't on sale. So we made the game time decision to forgo the crunchy peanut butter.
But try explaining that to the wardens when we got home.... you'd think we'd remortgaged the house the way they carried on. "What the hell were you thinking?", "Why in the fuck did you think you needed 300 packs of cinnamon gum?", "I sent you for garbage bags and toilet paper, not 20 frozen pizzas!"
Blah blah, blah blah, blah blah.... and we have been banned from shopping together ever since.
One day we will sneak out together again. But until then, we are laying low and letting the dust settle. I saw that cabinets were on sale at Walmart this week though.... I better call him so we can be prepared next time.
P.S. In all our excitement, we also forgot to grab the toilet paper that day. Man… that was a rough night. Our bad entirely. Dad and I sincerely apologize for that. Again, that was completely our bad.