Locals and Yolkals.
How is everyone doing today? I hope your weekend has gone well and you got some much needed R&R. Thank you everyone for checking in and reading these posts each week. I can't say how much I appreciate it! And if you are new here, I highly recommend you scroll to the bottom of the page and subscribe. You'll get an email notification whenever something is posted, so you won't miss any drama. Annnnd, if you are enjoying it, please share these posts with your friends and families! I am still struggling along with the whole instagram thing.... bare with me if you have chosen to follow me there. Maybe one of these days I will get the hang of it?
Meh. Probably not.
Scott and I have finally had some down time and have taken up residence on the front porch in our big luxurious camping chairs this weekend. We probably look hysterical out there.... sittin' on the porch. Scott chewing on a toothpick, binoculars in hand with a beer beside him. Me with a mason jar of ice tea, and dog at my feet. Not to mention the herd of cats milling about the front of the house. Both of us staring out at the hay fields, sneering at cars driving by too fast and using the binoculars to snoop on passersby we don't recognize.
Yep. I'd say we now qualify as the 'crazy effing locals' that used to scare the beejeezus out of me when we first got here. I can totally see Scott in 50 years sitting out there in his underwear.... yelling at the squirrels. A perfect, cranky old man.
Seriously though, Scott would now be considered a scary yolkal by people passing through.
Did I ever tell you about the time he tracked down a cottager that was dumb enough to dump garbage on our road? No? Girrrlll, let me tell you!
Scott and I were out for a walk with the dog just down the road from our place. We live across from a conservation area that is kept in pretty spectacular condition. The wildlife we get to look out our windows and see every morning because of it is breathtaking.
After Indi found the perfect spot to pee -which is a whole process- we headed back toward the house, and saw a little blue car coming our way. We stepped off to the side of the road and made the pup sit (as we do for all traffic going by.... that is how little traffic we have on the road. We literally stop and wait for each vehicle or horse and buggy to go by) and waited. To say the car was all over the road was an understatement and it went careening by, probably not even seeing us. Scott kept looking over his shoulder at the car until the brake lights went on and the car pulled over along the stretch of conservation land. Scott mumbled and when I asked what was wrong, he said "That car isn't from around here".
Ding- can you say crazy old man?
Scotty stopped at the end of our driveway and very obviously watched as the people got out of their car and headed to the trunk. I thought Scott must have been making Mr. BlueCar feel a little uncomfortable, because he smiled and waved down the road at us. When he was met with no response, he awkwardly turned around and began quickly throwing garbage bags out of the back of his car into the ditch.
Now, I have seen Scott angry MAYBE a handful of times in the 11 years we have been together. It takes a lot to get him going. Accidentally shrink all of his work shirts down to barbie size in the dryer when he has specifically told you not to put them in the dryer? No worries. Run out of gas half way to work and call him panicking because the car sputtered and stopped? He'll laugh and come help you. Dent his truck by backing it up into the corner of the garage that came outta nowhere? Don't even sweat it!
But littering? Oh, buddy. That, apparently, is an issue.
Scott basically jogged back to the house, came out flipping his keys in his hand and headed for his truck. He was eerily calm.
Me: Where are you going?
Scott: I am going to go find him before he gets too far and suggest he come pick up his garbage.
Me: Noooo. Nope. No you're not. Don't you dare get in that truck.
Scott: Oh yes I am. Dump garbage on my road? In front of me? While waving? He needs to learn some fucking manners.
Me: (looking down and speaking to the dog) Shit.
Scott pulled out of the driveway and headed down the road, while the dog and I sat on the porch. I remember contemplating the odds of the other man having a gun and shooting Scott. People are crazy after all. Annnnd, the longer it took for him to come home, the more my mind wandered and anxiety took over. I am CO-DEPENDENT! I can't live without Scott! I can't even reach the top shelf of the frigging pantry! By the ten minute mark I was crying and had Scott's entire funeral planned in my head. He wouldn't want anything too elaborate. Donations could be made to crime stoppers or something. It would be tasteful but understated....
Then he pulled back into the bottom of the driveway, got out of the truck and leaned back with his arms folded across his chest. And when he didn't come back to the house, I made my way down there.
Me: What HAPPENED!?
Scott: I found them outside of town. We had a nice chat about manners and the dangers of pollution.
Me: What? So what happens now?
Scott: Now he is picking up his trash and taking it somewhere fucking else.
Me: Well I'll be damned.
I turned and saw the blue car down the road. Two people were quickly gathering up the garbage and shoving it back in the trunk. I looked back at to find Scott grinning ear to ear and waving at Mr. BlueCar.
Yep. So that happened.
So fair warning to not litter 'round these parts. Or you might have ole' man Scott on your door step.
P.S. Scott says that this is not exactly how it went down and I should get my facts straight. I told him if he'd like to tell the story he could guest write.... he walked away :-)
P.P.S. I find him caring that much about our home and really just the whole thing strangely attractive... Is that weird? It's probably weird. Oh well, it definitely works for me!