Every relationship has its challenges. People have told me in the past that I couldn’t understand their marital issues because Scott and I never fight and our relationship is a freak of nature.
Ha!! I think it is safe to say that if you have been following along at all the last year, you know that is not the case. But I thought I’d share one of our most recent disagreements to really drive it home.
Also I am still mildly pissed about it and need supporters. Because whenever I tell my friends about our tiffs they inevitably side with Scott and call him a saint for putting up with my array of crap.
Just a couple weeks ago, Scott made me coffee in the morning and completely fucked it up. He put sugar in it (bleh!) and only used half a thing of frothed milk instead of the whole pitcher. What nightmare. And when I got to work and told my friend, she stared at me blankly before saying, “Ya….. He made you coffee…. What a complete asshole.”
Anyway, this week I was peacefully existing in bed one morning when Scott entered.
Me: Hey babe. Scott: Why are you still in bed? Get up.
Me: Ummm, well for one thing it is warm in the bed and freaking freezing outside the covers. And second, I don’t know if I can people today. I may just set up camp here for the day.
Scott: Ya, no.
Scott dramatically flings the covers completely off the bed and onto the floor.
Me: What the hell is wrong with you?
Scott: You have overslept your alarm by 45mins…. I bet your alarm isn’t even on is it? We have stuff to do. The animals need fed, you need breakfast and then you have to go to work.
Me: First of all, I have not overslept my alarm. I hit snooze. And I may have changed my snooze from 9 minutes to one hour so that when we had this discussion again I would win! But obviously that was for not. Also, I am pretty sure we have one less animal to feed because I think the cat was snuggled into those sheets and you probably frightened her to death when you ripped them off the bed. So you are now a kitty murderer. How does that feel?
Scott: Both cats are sitting in the hall wondering what they did in a previous life to wind up living in this house of horrors. Get up!
Me: No! I am a strong independent woman and I will not be told how to live my life. I am not leaving this bed. Squatters rights. Wait… does that apply here? Do you have to pee where you are to enact squatters rights?
Scott: What the fuck are you talking about?
Me: You know, like squat and pee to enact squatters rights? I don’t know. All I know is I don’t want to pee on the bed, but I totally will to make a point for all women kind. We will not be pushed around!
Scott: Get your butt out of bed or I will drag you out of it by your ankles.
Scott moves to grab my ankles and I shot out of bed for my own safety.
Me: You know what your problem is? You wake up and choose violence! How many mornings are we gonna have to do this until you respect my right to remain in bed? Huh? You are unbelievable!
Scott: Get dressed. I’ll have a latte waiting for you downstairs.
Me: Pffft. Latte. You gonna make it right this time? Or is it going to be a nightmare like last week all over again?
Scott: Love you, sweetheart. If you’re down in the next ten minutes I’ll make you breakfast as well.
Me: Get out of my way! You’re going to make me late!
So, yaaa…. You can see the absolute insanity that I put up with on a daily basis.
We are practically saints for putting up with each other.
P.S. I ended up getting an egg and cheese breakfast sandwich. But I cut it super close! It was like something out of a movie. I got to the kitchen just before he was about to start eating it. So, I think we can all agree that my time management is on point.