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Balance is Key

I have been feeling very nostalgic lately. I'm not sure why, but I am catching myself thinking back to when Scott and I first started dating. I remember being so nervous and excited whenever I'd get to see him. I remember all the thoughts that rushed through my mind.

He touched my hand! Did he mean to touch my hand? He has pretty eyes. I want to touch his hair so bad. How does he smell so good all the time? Oh gosh, he wants to get pizza.... I can't eat pizza in front of him, it makes me fart. Oh crap, what if I fart in front of him!?

Oooooh, how our relationship has changed! My whole, "no bodily functions within ear shot of Scott" rule went out the window the second day after we moved in together. Home is my sanctuary. And that means if I have to burp or fart to make my insides comfy.... I'm gonna do it. Poor guy. If only he'd have known what he was getting into!

But that got me thinking how hard it would be for me to go back to dating. I don't think I could handle the stress of it all. Hats off to all you men and women that are currently dating and in new relationships. Seriously. Dating apps? One night stands? New social standards? Keeping up with what is going on in the world so you have something to talk about? No thank you. Hard pass for me. I'll take 14 cats any day of the week.

I was in the kitchen the other morning and Scott was sitting at the counter in jeans and a sweater drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. He looked intimidating.... but in a really good way. Just absolutely dreamy. And it made me wonder if I'd be able to approach him in a bar or get his number. Scott caught me staring and got me to fess up to what I had been thinking about. He just rolled his eyes and bear hugged me.

And THAT got me thinking about the time that Scott had to bear hug and drag me through the mud on ill fated ATV trip.

Have I never told you about that? Oh! Well you are in for a treat.

Scott has always loved ATVing. Shortly after we got together, Scott managed to gather enough money to get a second quad for me, and we have been riding together ever since. At first, I was terrified of the machines and how fast they could go. But over time Scott got me used to it. Eventually he thought I was ready for a ride longer than a few hours and we planned for a full day of ATVing in the woods not far from my parents cottage.

Now I am not exactly outdoorsy.... in fact I am not at all outdoorsy. Fuck nature, I say! Okay... maybe that's a little much. But me and nature have an agreement. I don't bother it, and it won't bother me. And up until that point it had been going well. But I figured it would be okay. He was taking me to a TRAIL. It's not like we'd be in the middle of nowhere. Right?

WRONG! Scott's definition of a trail is a little different than mine. We set out in the morning, bags packed with extra gear around 7am. As we raced down the road and into the bush.... I noticed that all the road signs just began to disappear and the road was getting narrower, until eventually he turned off the road and into the woods. The 'trail' could be generously called a dirt path interspersed with mud holes and steep hills made of massive rocks. Walking on this trail would be impossible. And I didn't think my ATV skills were quite up to this task.

But what could I do? I wasn't about to wuss out in front of my boyfriend! I had to keep up with him. Even if it killed me. So, when he turned around on his seat to check on me, I quickly gave him the thumbs up and gritted my teeth.

There were more people on this dirt path than I had expected. About every 10-15 minutes we would come across a group of guys (maybe a woman or two riding along like me), covered from head to toe in mud. Scott would stop to help winch someone out of a mud hole that they had 'misjudged' whenever we came across a person in need. And they in return did the same for us, when I would inevitably get stuck. It's actually kinda like a really gruff community out there in the woods!

After a few hours of gut wrenching and terrifying 'fun' we stopped for lunch. I had to pee SO badly. But there was not way in hell I was going to do it in.....nature. I had peed outside once in my entire life and it didn't end well. I am not exactly bendy.... and I missed the class growing up about how to not pee down your leg when roughing it. It was disastrous. And I wasn't about to relive that in front of Scott. But when I refused to drink anything, Scott caught on and convinced me to try. He had even packed toilet paper in his bag in case. I was actually touched... How thoughtful?!

I made my way off the trail and found a suitable tree to pee behind. I remember talking myself through it. Okay... pants down. Yep good, now squat. Alright, this isn't going to work. I'll just pee right into my pants. Oooh, what if I just? Yep! Push my bum back aaaaannnnd, yes!

I peed and not a SINGLE drop got on me. I felt the strangest sense of pride in myself. I finished up and went running back to the trail with a big smile on my face.

Me: Scott I DID IT!! I peed!

Scott: That's great babe.

Me: Seriously!! I did it! Not a drop got on me!

Scott: Wow... great?

Me: I can d--

I wasn't exactly looking where I was going in the all my excitement as I ran back to the trail. My foot got caught on a misshapen tree root and I fell face first into a mud hole that (and there is no elegant way to say this) smelled like ass. Ya... just great. So there I was in the middle of nowhere, face down in mud hole that smelled like shit. Covered from head to toe.

Scott bear hugged me and dragged me back onto the trail, out of the mud, where I finally got my footing back. He looked down at me and started laughing. I glared back up at him, doing by best to look very angry at him. But couldn't help but smile when he said, "Well, at least there's no pee on you?"

And I think the lesson here is pretty obvious- balance is key.... In everything you do.

-Love, Kay

1 Comment

Diane R
Diane R
Sep 26, 2021

I've seen some of Scott's "trails"! Go you!

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