Well, I'm a hot mess. Not only am I bloated, crampy and anxious - but my house is a mess, laundry needs done and there is no food because I don't want to 'people' and go shopping. Couple that with the worrying over a full work week coming up and I am about ready to explode. Also, the cat won't stop screaming at me for some reason. She has food, she has water, her litter is clean.... what more does the little bitch WANT FROM ME?!
So Scott, in his infinite wisdom thought it would distract me from my bad mood to cook. Which, honestly, usually works. I love cooking. The prep work and following instructions is soothing... plus instant gratification in the form of eating what you make is a bonus. He also came with a suggestion - banana pancake bites he saw on instagram. *Fucking Instagram* They are basically slices of banana dipped in pancake batter and pan fried until golden brown. I figured I could give it a try.
I should have turned back when I saw the 2tbsp of baking powder it called for. Even cake doesn't have that much baking powder! But I figured, hey.... I'm sure they know what they are talking about if it's been shared 120,000 times. Mistake.... the batter doubled in size in the bowl in 5 minutes, like when you leave bread to rise overnight *shaking head*. BUT I persevered and just kept beating it down with spatula. Then came time to dip the banana slices. Have you ever tried to dip a banana slice? It's impossible to not make a mess. I tried with a fork, and that was a fail. The slippery bananas just slid right off and into the abyss to batter that JUST KEPT RISING. I finally decided to use a spoon. I started dropping them into the pan, but it took so long to shake off the extra batter that by the time I got all them in there, the first ones were burning. I might have actually muttered, "You little assholes," as I worked my way through flipping them.
This is when Scott emerged from watching TV and asked if breakfast was ready, and instantly regretted it. I didn't have to say a thing. I did all my talking with my eyes and he slowly backed out of the room. Good boy.
Eventually I got a rhythm down and by the third batch they were actually looking picture perfect and I was feeling pretty good about myself.
And then the taste test... Scott picked a perfect little silver dollar pancake, swirled it in syrup and I waited for praise as he ate it...... nothing. When I asked what was wrong with them he just smiled and said, "Oh you should taste them". So picked the best looking one of the batch and took a bite, expecting something that landed somewhere between a pancake and banana bread. Nope. Imagine a big bite of hot, sweaty/slimy banana, wrapped in a soggy blanket of burnt(ish) rubber *GAG*.
And to put the icing on the cake, when I went to throw them out my adorable fiancee chirped, "Well that kinda sucks.... you just spent an hour and a half working through that frustrating recipe and they don't even taste good". Yes honey, thank you for that astute observation.
So that's been my morning. I am currently sitting on the deck and considering day drinking.... a vodka soda is sounding pretty damn good right now.
P.S. I'd also like to say that this just proves my point that social media is toxic. Fuckers can't even leave pancakes alone.
P.P.S. And how the heck did that get shared 120,000 times? Apparently there are 120.000 people out there who like the taste of hot banana boogers. Ugh.
P.P.P.S. The vodka soda is helping.